The Irish Candyman is Ready for Saturday Night’s Fight

I forget if I already told you guys this, but a bunch of people from the internet are doing a boxing match Saturday night. Jake Paul has become like, basically a serious boxer, so people have ideas.

I think MMA style fighting would be a lot more fun, but whatever. Black YouTuber KSI is the headliner and he is fighting two people in one night which is like, the stupidest gimmick I’ve ever heard of in my life. And I’m not just talking about sports gimmicks, I’m talking about all gimmickry in all of gimmick history.

Also, that gay retard Andy Warski, who is both gay and retarded, is going to get the shit beat out of him by some Pinoy.

I don’t even know who this Filipino is (I think he might be a real boxer, rather than an internet person). Whoever he is, he’s clearly going to beat the shit out of Warski, who literally smokes crack.

The headline of the fight, of course, is Sam Hyde beating up some British guy.

Apparently this is in London. I just realized that.

The guy Sam is fighting only has 27k followers on Twitter.

This is what the side of his Twitter looks like.

Not sure what’s going on there. He’s apparently some kind of pimp or pornographer. Either way, it’s clear he’s not been doing semen retention, which means he will definitely lose. He was going to lose either way, because the Irish Candyman is fighting for what he believes in, while this douchebag is just trying to sell people sex and marijuana food.

Making pornography is like the easiest job in the world. Most men with huge dicks are morons and probably just want to have sex with hot bitches anyway, so you don’t have to pay them much. Porn hookers only charge like $700 because they’re stupid whores who think they can get famous. Anyone can make money making porno, assuming you have the IQ to put together professional shoots, but most people don’t do it because they’re not scumbags. Making porno is only like, three levels above what Dave Portnoy does with his Jew gambling scams and crypto securities fraud. In fact, Portnoy, though scummier, is actually braver than a pornographer because he’s probably going to federal prison for securities fraud and they will just take all his money. Pornographers have more dignity and also get to keep their ill-begotten gains. It’s also like, if you’re a pornographer you can tell someone “I make porno” and they’ll be like “wow, that’s gross,” but if you say “I do securities fraud” they’re going to punch you in the face.

But being a pornographer is life on easy mode, and he’s not prepared for the beating that the Candyman is going to bring down on him.

Sam Hyde is trying to use this as a platform to challenge that Turk faggot Hassan Piker, but Piker isn’t going to be more likely to fight him after he sees some fat pornographer get his ass kicked. Hassan is lower than any pornography. Hassan is Portnoy-tier, frankly.

Anyway, I’m not paying for this shit. It’s on Pay-Per-View and I don’t care enough to watch it live. If I had a chat maybe I would, because funny things will probably happen at this circus show. But I ain’t got no chat.

Someone is going to be sniping it anyway, and there is no way they’ll go full maniac on DMCAs after the event. If they do I’ll get it from the Russians.

Why does this feel like deja vu? Did something similar to this happen and I made all the same jokes? Or did I write this same article yesterday when I was blackout drunk?

I don’t remember. Maybe it’s just a standard glitch in the matrix. But I’m not really a deja vuer, frankly.

We’ll see. We shall see.