September 30, 2019
Think Mexican food is harmless? Think again.
There’s always some retard out there that’ll claim that European food is bland.
It isn’t bland.
It’s just that Europeans have always been pretty good about preserving food, while brown people have had to figure out ways to deal with eating rotting meat and stale vegetables. And that method is to just douse everything with strong spices, masking any foul odor that might result from the decomposition process.
This process might have been taken a step too far in this case, however.
Keep meth OUT of your tacos, people.
A goblina witch who was, for some reason, working in an American grocery store, decided to “spice up” her food with meth (which I guess will mask any kind of rotten smell), but made the mistake of sharing her occult concoction with normal humans.
Hilarity tragedy ensued.
A deli worker at an Oregon grocery store is accused of spiking bean dip with methamphetamines and feeding it to at least two co-workers earlier this month, police said.
Cassandra Ani Medina-Hernandez, 38, of Albany, was charged Thursday in the Marion County Circuit Court Annex with delivery of methamphetamine and causing another person to ingest a controlled substance, the Albany Democrat-Herald reported. Both are class B felonies.Her bail was set at $500,000, the newspaper reported.
According to a probable cause affidavit, surveillance footage at the Thriftway in Jefferson showed Medina-Hernandez remove something from inside her bra while her back was to the camera, The Oregonian reported. The woman then went behind a microwave, leaned down and wiped her nose. Medina-Hernandez then walked to a table, retrieved a paper plate and placed the bean dip on it, the newspaper reported.
To be absolutely truthful, I don’t really know if this is an example of Mexican witchcraft (also known as hoodoo) or just normal Mexican cuisine.
Who can even tell the difference, anyway?
What I can say, however, is that eating stuff your goblina co-workers have prepared with their mysterious southern ways is a really bad idea – unless you’re sick of living.
According to a news release from the Marion County Sheriff’s Office, the incident occurred Sept. 9. Authorities said Medina-Hernandez fed her co-workers the dip and also ate some. An assistant store manager contacted the Sheriff’s Office that night and said his daughter was hospitalized after being given food laced with meth while she was at work, The Oregonian reported.
According to the affidavit, Medina-Hernandez admitted putting meth in the bean dip, the newspaper reported.
Why even deny it, indeed.
She probably doesn’t even understand what she did wrong, after all. She only did it to improve the flavor and mask the smell of stale beans. Or, alternatively, she was only trying to allow her fellow employees to commune with whatever spirits goblins worship, or whatever.
It was all just a big cultural misunderstanding.